"Within the Normal Range"

I am embarrassed to admit this, but, frankly my frustration level extremely high right now, and I just need to write about this before my head explodes.

I spent 20 minutes this morning crying in my eye-doctor's office. Crying to my eye-doctor. Slow, drippy frustrated tears of complete and utter frustration.

I'm not even sure where to begin.

I've talked to three doctors (well, and now an eye-doctor, who is not an M.D. or a D.O., but rather an O.D. ) in the past three weeks. I've had an MRI done of my head and three tubes of blood drawn, a visual field test, and two other eye tests the names of which I cannot recall. I've had unpleasant things slapped against my eyeball in order to check the pressures.

And I wish I could say what the bottom line is, but, I can't.

I've been having these massive headaches. Pretty much daily. They respond to Excederin or ibuprofen. Usually. But, I'm not convinced that going through life taking excederin or ibuprofen twice a day is a great solution.

In addition to the headaches, I've been working out like a maniac, and also following WW, and having extremely minimal success.

My fingers and my face are puffy. I'm tired.

Did I mention the fricking headaches?

What I have been told, by the three doctors who have looked at the tests, is that I may or may not have a 7mm tumor in my pituitary gland.

This is not news. 2 years ago, I was told, categorically, that I had a 7mm prolactin inducing tumor in my pituitary gland.

Except, now, they are not so sure that's what it is, since, well, someone finally said, "hey, let's test the prolactin levels in her blood" and - guess what? The results of that test? "Within the range of normal."

So...the next response was "perhaps it is an abnormality of the pituitary gland that is ([F**K]) within the range of normal." WTF????? I was also told, "maybe your pituitary gland is just shaped that way," and also reminded that "up to 30% of people can show an abnormality on an MRI."

REALLY? So, pardon my french, but, WHY THE F**K did you diagnose with a TUMOR 2 years ago, and NOW YOU DON'T KNOW???

My TSH was tested, and provided I take my prescribed synthroid daily, it is also, "Within the range of normal".

I suggested that perhaps it was a cortisol producing tumor and was told that, two years ago, your cortisol levels were [F**K!!!!!!!!!!!!!] "within the range of normal."

I suggested that perhaps they might want to run a cortisol test, NOW, on my saliva, which I had read on the Internet was a more sensitive test. The response was that "I don't think that's the problem. It's probably just PCOS."

Yeah. About that...we don't have ANY IDEA if I have secondary infertility because I NEVER TRIED TO HAVE A SECOND BABY and RIGHT NOW I AM VERY WORRIED THAT YOU, DOCTOR PERSON, ARE ASSUMING I HAD SECONDARY INFERTILITY BECAUSE YOU KNOW I ADOPTED MY SECOND CHILD. And I have no ovarian cysts. And my sugar levels???? Yeah...WITHIN THE F**KING RANGE OF NORMAL.

I called my family doctor demanding his opinion as to whether or not I might have a cancerous 7 mm tumor hanging between my eyeballs. (No one has even mentioned the word cancer. It's just that I hear the word "tumor" and my mind goes there). He graciously said "I can tell you it's not cancer." The reason he knows I don't have cancer is because "whatever is in your head, if it is anything, is still 7 mm after 27 months between MRIs - if it were cancer, it would be growing. Also, cancer in your pituitary gland is incredibly rare. But, if that is what it was, it would have grown."

So, this morning, as I sat with my eye-doctor, and he said, "well, there's a place on your visual field test where your peripheral vision has decreased from your last test, and the size of your optic nerve in your right eye is large, but, it's within the range of normal."

I JUST LOST IT. I said, "look, if one more doctor says to me something that sounds like, "well, I'm concerned about xyz, but, it's within the range of normal I think I will lose my mind."

So, I end up telling the whole saga to the guy whose expertise is solely of the eye. And he said he didn't know what was causing my headaches, that he was sure it wasn't my vision because he was testing my eyesight at 20/20 - but, he thought I should see a neurological ophthalmologist, which is evidently a neurologist who specializes in eyes.

I frankly don't know what to do from here. (Aside from seeing the neuro-eye guy), but, it freaks me out to be told, that, basically, there is something the size of 7 mm hanging out between my eyeballs, it's not what they thought it was two years ago, and, maybe it's just nothing. But, no, they cannot tell me why my fingers and eyes are puffy, or why I have headaches every damn day, and, no, they don't really think these symptoms are necessarily related.

My lunch hour bitch fest has now come to an end. I have people to divorce and tenants to evict and an estate to file, so, I'm going to go practice some law now.

I just wish I could convince someone do more for me than just practice some medicine.

ARGH.

LM