Friday, August 07, 2009

The Problem with Facebook

The problem with Facebook (well, among the problems with Facebook) is that it can be a slap in the face when all the people who are your "Facebook Friends" but who weren't actually your real friends in high school, post pictures of themselves. Especially if the pictures they post are FROM high school, and feature them attending fabulous parties, having a great time.

Pictures which never feature you, because, of course, you weren't at those parties. Because those people weren't your friends in high school.

What's made this worse, for me, this week is this - I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THOSE PARTIES WERE HAPPENING. Admittedly, I was very busy building sets for the drama club and spending Friday nights listening to Depeche Mode and watching weird foreign films and painting my fingernails black with my small circle of friends...or alternately snogging a string of loser boyfriends. Maybe those experiences were superior to having been invited to a party...

I suppose it was better that I was blissfully unaware of the parties at the time they were happening, because certainly my feelings would have been infinitely more hurt at the time then they are now.

But I can't say the pictures don't make me more than a little curious about what else I missed in high school.

It shouldn't bother me to see those photos, should it? These slightly faded, scanned photos of fabulous parties I wasn't invited to?

I mean, I sure as hell attended more than my fair share of fabulous parties in college. I have been known to HOST a fabulous party or two, as an adult.

I know, logically, that it's better to have had nearly two adult decades of real friends and really great parties - then to have had a few years of high school happiness.

However, there is a part of Facebook that still brings that high school sullenness out in me.

Maybe I should "de-friend" all my fake high school non-friend Facebook friends?

What about you? Has Facebook ever hurt your feelings?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

All the time! Our 20th reunion is coming up. All the photos are coming out. I wonder if the girl who made out with my prom date AT THE TABLE while everyone was sitting there will apologize.

Saturday, August 08, 2009 7:43:00 AM  
OpenID mrsbroccoliguy said...

I totally know what you mean - and I try to only friend people I was really friends with. But one girl had this amazing ability to cross social circles and she posted all these photos of her with the popular crowd and I sat there wondering how she did that and why couldn't I? (But after the reunion? I was just as happy with my social circle, thankyouverymuch!)
Facebook is such a shallow way of relating to people, I much prefer blogs! :)

Saturday, August 08, 2009 10:52:00 AM  
Anonymous Nicki said...

I've experienced this same thing. what's worse is that I have also experienced this within my own small circle of friends! I know this is entirely my fault - I distanced myself from everyone (hated school and, by proxy, everyone in it) but it makes me sad to see how much I missed by being in such a hurry to grow up. It doesn't entirely hurt my feelings (maybe a little) but it does depress me!

Saturday, August 08, 2009 11:20:00 AM  
Blogger Chel said...

OMG- yes. YES!!

When I first joined Facebook, and all the people from my tiny high school class of 60 started friending me like crazy, I think I was hoping that all the people in high school who didn’t really know me, or didn’t really connect with me, was saying “I was wrong about you. I never gave you a chance. Let’s get to know one another.”

But it's still a popularity contest.

And then there’s also the ways high school shapes your view of yourself. And my struggle to shake that after all these years. That was NOT real life, and I need to stop thinking that just because I had four rocky social years when I was a teenager, it’s going to always be that way.

Saturday, August 08, 2009 11:49:00 AM  
Blogger Graced said...

Facebook sucks, and I haven't been away from high school for more than 8 years. Sometimes, it's a painfully sharp reminder of things that need to be more distant before I ever want to remember them, if at all.

Saturday, August 08, 2009 1:43:00 PM  
Blogger mam said...

"Maybe those experiences were superior to having been invited to a party..."

I vote for that. Definitely.

Yours in twisted, black-nailed, angsty-alternarocked teenagerness (plus I had a pet rat),


Saturday, August 08, 2009 9:40:00 PM  
Anonymous Anne in NY said...

I'm a fan of Facebook, but only to stay in touch with people I really care about. I make liberal use of the "ignore" button when I get friend requests from people who never gave a rat's ass about me before (or vice-versa). I mostly love Facebook for staying in touch with my grown nieces and nephews and their little ones as they grow. And for the people who post annoying, uber-conservative posts that will just annoy me, I just hide 'em.

Monday, August 10, 2009 9:55:00 AM  
Blogger Jenny said...

Ha, I see folks who I am not really friends with much anymore having parties and other things and my girls or I aren't invited (after inviting them etc) and it hurts, from NOW!

From them I was one of "those" people but now am better friends with those not from my circle in high school.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009 3:20:00 PM  
Blogger Ambulance Mommy said...

just found this post....

but only 2 weeks ago, someone posted pictures of their wedding shower. The one I hadn't been invited too. because the maid of honor and i never really got along. I went to the wedding, and was gracious and kind to everyone, while in the back of my mind saying "i CANT NOT BELIEVE you left me out that"

Monday, August 31, 2009 2:27:00 PM  

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