It's Been One Week Since You Looked At Me...*

This week:

• Lana was lost for about twenty minutes. Actually, Lana wasn't lost, per se. I thought she was lost. Gabe went next door to our neighbor's house to ask Lana to come home for dinner. He came back and reported that both Lana and her friend had "gone missing." I sent Gabe off to check three other friends' houses. When he came back to report that she wasn't at any of those houses, and to report that neither neither Haley nor Lily nor Lydia had seen Lana or her friend all afternoon (boy, there are a LOT of little girls with "L" names in our neighborhood) I was very close to FREAKING THE F**K OUT. It was fortunate that, at that time, our neighbor came over to say that Lana and her friend had been at our neighbor's the whole time, quietly drawing pictures in a closet. WHY WHERE THEY IN THE CLOSET? I don't know. But they were there and they were fine.

• We got a fish tank. We bought four fish (I wanted to name two of them Rosencrantz and Guildenstern but I was outvoted.) The four fish were thriving so we bought three more. The third new fish sent all the other fish into a tizzy. The guppies had baby guppies. The swordtail fish (the instigator of all the tank trouble) ATE THE BABY GUPPIES. The fish became even more distressed. The swordtail fish (his name was Arthur) was found the next morning outside the tank. Quite, quite deceased. I'm not sure if he committed suicide or if the other fish sentenced him to death for cannibalism. I still can't figure out how he got out of the tank since there is a serious lid on the top. I'm also shocked that the Big Orange Cat did not eat him once he jumped from (or was flung from) the tank. The Small Auxiliary Cat also did not eat the swordtail fish, but that's not surprising because he (the Small Auxiliary Cat) isn't very bright. With the swordtail gone, peace now reigns in the tank of Ares, Poseidon, Lizzie (a hatchet fish), Neko-chan (a cat fish), and two fished that Lana has proposed naming Hannah and Miley. (She was outvoted as well. The fish have no names right now, and it doesn't really work to call them "not-Rosencrantz, not-Guildenstern, not-Miley, not-Hannah".)

• I bought a Cosmopolitan Magazine because Kristen Bell was on the cover. (Oh, what? Like you never bought a magazine because an actress you have a slightly unhealthy interest in was on the cover?) The interview with Kristen Bell was adorable and funny and it just made me like her even more. Much of the rest of the magazine ranged from laughable to disturbing. It claimed (I call b*llsh*t on this, but I'm curious what your take is) that EIGHTY PERCENT of men are "manscaping". (I didn't know what manscaping was until I read the article.) If you don't know, let me share: manscaping is grooming of the hair around one's um...junk. (Junk-grooming, if you will). The interview was with a woman who waxes men's...um...junk. For a living. I find it impossible to believe that 80% of men in America are participated in this painful process. I just don't think 80% of men are willing to allow someone to come at their junk with hot wax. Call me crazy. LASTLY, Cosmo told me I should wear socks with high heeled sandals. NO. REALLY. I'm not kidding. I think Cosmo might be messing with my head on purpose.

• We had a great weekend that involved live music at the art museum, followed by great food with great friends, and a day lounging by the pool. It was peaceful and lovely and it felt like a really perfect summer weekend.

LM

*BNL, One Week