Monday, August 17, 2009

It's Been One Week Since You Looked At Me...*

This week:

  • Lana was lost for about twenty minutes. Actually, Lana wasn't lost, per se. I thought she was lost. Gabe went next door to our neighbor's house to ask Lana to come home for dinner. He came back and reported that both Lana and her friend had "gone missing." I sent Gabe off to check three other friends' houses. When he came back to report that she wasn't at any of those houses, and to report that neither neither Haley nor Lily nor Lydia had seen Lana or her friend all afternoon (boy, there are a LOT of little girls with "L" names in our neighborhood) I was very close to FREAKING THE F**K OUT. It was fortunate that, at that time, our neighbor came over to say that Lana and her friend had been at our neighbor's the whole time, quietly drawing pictures in a closet. WHY WHERE THEY IN THE CLOSET? I don't know. But they were there and they were fine.

  • We got a fish tank. We bought four fish (I wanted to name two of them Rosencrantz and Guildenstern but I was outvoted.) The four fish were thriving so we bought three more. The third new fish sent all the other fish into a tizzy. The guppies had baby guppies. The swordtail fish (the instigator of all the tank trouble) ATE THE BABY GUPPIES. The fish became even more distressed. The swordtail fish (his name was Arthur) was found the next morning outside the tank. Quite, quite deceased. I'm not sure if he committed suicide or if the other fish sentenced him to death for cannibalism. I still can't figure out how he got out of the tank since there is a serious lid on the top. I'm also shocked that the Big Orange Cat did not eat him once he jumped from (or was flung from) the tank. The Small Auxiliary Cat also did not eat the swordtail fish, but that's not surprising because he (the Small Auxiliary Cat) isn't very bright. With the swordtail gone, peace now reigns in the tank of Ares, Poseidon, Lizzie (a hatchet fish), Neko-chan (a cat fish), and two fished that Lana has proposed naming Hannah and Miley. (She was outvoted as well. The fish have no names right now, and it doesn't really work to call them "not-Rosencrantz, not-Guildenstern, not-Miley, not-Hannah".)

  • I bought a Cosmopolitan Magazine because Kristen Bell was on the cover. (Oh, what? Like you never bought a magazine because an actress you have a slightly unhealthy interest in was on the cover?) The interview with Kristen Bell was adorable and funny and it just made me like her even more. Much of the rest of the magazine ranged from laughable to disturbing. It claimed (I call b*llsh*t on this, but I'm curious what your take is) that EIGHTY PERCENT of men are "manscaping". (I didn't know what manscaping was until I read the article.) If you don't know, let me share: manscaping is grooming of the hair around one's um...junk. (Junk-grooming, if you will). The interview was with a woman who waxes men' For a living. I find it impossible to believe that 80% of men in America are participated in this painful process. I just don't think 80% of men are willing to allow someone to come at their junk with hot wax. Call me crazy. LASTLY, Cosmo told me I should wear socks with high heeled sandals. NO. REALLY. I'm not kidding. I think Cosmo might be messing with my head on purpose.

  • We had a great weekend that involved live music at the art museum, followed by great food with great friends, and a day lounging by the pool. It was peaceful and lovely and it felt like a really perfect summer weekend.


*BNL, One Week


Blogger Elowyn said...

WRT junk landscaping, I'd say that not even 80% of *women* do much landscaping in that area (by the time you include little old ladies, and those who just don't give a crap about it, and very young adolescents.) No less the men doing manscaping - I'd put that at 10% or less.

Speaking as someone who sees a lot of junk of all ages, SES and ethnicities.

Monday, August 17, 2009 11:01:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

But what about your va-va-va-voom mascara????

Monday, August 17, 2009 11:36:00 PM  
Blogger mam said...

Finally, FINALLY, a title quote I know. Seriously, it might be the first one ever...for all the things we have in common (tons), music isn't one.

You make me laugh. Not as much as you'll make me laugh by showing up in high heels and ankle socks next time we meet, though.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009 12:08:00 AM  
Blogger j'lynn said...

I think the number of 80% is way too high...but I will admit that my man has landscaped that area a time or two and I love it when he does it! But he does it himself...I cannot see him ever allowing hot wax coming near any area of him, let alone THAT!!! LOL

Thanks for the late night giggle!!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009 12:18:00 AM  
Anonymous Elaine said...

I, too, am calling BS on that 80% manscaping thing. I don't think most men care what it's looking like, as long as it's getting where they want to go. High heeled sandals and socks, huh? Really? Once again I believe I will be woefully out of fashion, because I just don't see myself on that bandwagon.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009 8:22:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG. "Gone Missing". I'd have passed out on the spot.

Also, "junk grooming" might be one of the best phrases ever written. ha!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009 9:53:00 AM  
Anonymous Lina said...

I think 80% is high, but I would guess that about half that is right...but I think most men do this themselves.

And the sock thing - what a joke! That would look great, not!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009 10:15:00 AM  
Blogger SunnyDays said...

I've done the socks and high heeled sandals. (Yes, I am a fashion victim.) But the 80% number is ridiculous. Even if they count merely trimming as "manscaping," it wouldn't hit 80%. Not even at the height of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy's popularity. Hell, even the queer guys I know don't do that. Only the drag queens.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009 7:27:00 PM  

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