Tuesday, April 25, 2006

I don't think I mentioned...

the crying jag I had yesterday in the car.

I was pulling into the daycare/preschool/kindergarten where Gabriel attends school. It was about 5:15 in the afternoon, and two Asian boys, about age 2.5, were running around in the lawn, just playing like little boys do.

Their fathers (both graduate students at the University where the center is located) watched them playing as they chatted in Chinese or Korean (or something other than Japanese, which is the only Asian language I recognize.)

Anyway, I sat in my car and watched them and burst into tears. Because I imagined Tung playing with them, and then I imagined tiny 19.8 pound Tung being crushed by one of these big, healty boys. And I wondered if this is where Tung is supposed to be. And I just don't know.

Husband says we cannot make a decision until we hear back from the agency about our questions.

I just wish I KNEW. I wish I KNEW, the way I KNEW when I got the file on the waiting child, C~H~ Dung.

Yes, I know I am obsessing on this topic. But, it's totally true.

Husband says we will never feel like that again, it was a one time thing that was crushed by the weight of the grief of having him go to a different family.

In the meantime, Tung's tiny face stares at me from the corner of my desk where the file is sitting. I wish he could tell me if he thinks he is Samuel...

3 Comments:

Blogger Robinson 4 said...

I guess I didn't realize this before but our little Huong is/was 19.8 lbs in February and she was 19mo at that time. How old is Tung? Or how old was he at the time of the weighing? (Have you looked up the meaning of his name? It means Dignified.)

Tuesday, April 25, 2006 11:04:00 AM  
Blogger LawMommy said...

Tung was 26 months in February, and about 32 inches tall (81 cm). He is small. (Although, last night, Dr. B. said he felt his height was okay for a SE Asian male child, it was just his weight he was worried about.) In October, when he was 22 months, he also weighed 19.8 lbs, but he was 76 cm tall, so, he gained height since October, but, no weight from October to February.

Of course, Gabe, who is 6, has been 43 pounds for over a year - he just keeps getting taller.

I had not looked up his name. Thank you for telling me that. Dignified. Well, he certainly has a dignified look on his face. I am going to try to email you a picture.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006 11:34:00 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Our daughter R. (who is Cambodian) is still not quite 30 lbs and she's almost 5. At her 2 year old check-up she was 21 pounds, 4 ounces and 33 3/4 inches tall. So a little bigger than Tung, but not a lot.
Regarding your crying jag - seems to me it was about time! I hope you're feeling a little better now that you've heard back from your agency.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006 4:42:00 PM  

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