Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Worry

I feel like I have spent the last two days consumed with worry.

I worry, first and foremost, that J~ might die. This worry eats at me like some kind of wretched rabid squirrel has taken up refuge in my chest cavity. J~ is my uncle, my boss, my mentor. J~ is the glue that holds our small law firm together. J~ is the glue that holds that small side of my family together. J~ is glue. He must not die. He must not.

I worry that Lana is going to struggle in school because her "cognitive language" base has been destroyed by the loss of her first language. (Perhaps I shouldn't read articles about older child adoption and language immersion when I am already consumed with worry.) Still and all, I worry.

I worry about British sailors taken hostage by a madman. (It looks like this worry is one I can scratch off my list.)

I worry about the fact that I haven't heard from my tax guy and it's already the 4th of April.

I worry about the sub-prime mortgage crisis.

I worry about my friend T~, who lost her baby on Monday, at 5.5 months gestation. (Lost...as if...as if she just PUT HIM DOWN SOMEWHERE and doesn't remember where he is, and not as if his heart, unexplainedly, ceased to beat within her.) Monday was, truly, a horrible day, all around. T~ won't answer her phone. I worry about myself, as a human being, that I am almost relieved that she doesn't answer. I don't know what words to offer, right now, if she did answer. She is a professional friend, not a true blue Girlfriend, but, still and all - I worry about her.

I worry, I worry. I need one of those worry stones, I think.

6 Comments:

Blogger S. said...

I am so sorry for all that you are going through. Cancer sucks. How tragic that your friend lost her baby. I cannot even imagine.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007 10:16:00 PM  
Blogger mam said...

Sounds like if you had a worry stone, you'd wear right through it with all you're coping with right now. I'm really so sorry to hear about everything. All we I can do is send good wishes your way...and I am certainly doing that.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007 11:04:00 PM  
Blogger KelleyO said...

I'm sending you a big hug Gretchen.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007 11:25:00 PM  
Anonymous Christina said...

I am a good worrier too. And you have a lot of real reasons to stress. When I start really stressing, I remember this verse from Philippians, I hope it's a help to you too.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
~ Thinking of you. ~

Thursday, April 05, 2007 1:06:00 AM  
Blogger -Jenny said...

Just take it as it comes. there is nothing that will make you stop worrying about all those things. Just take it one day at a time.

Thursday, April 05, 2007 1:49:00 PM  
Blogger La Turista said...

I hear you. I am the queen of worry, waking myself up in the middle of the night to worry about things that haven't even happened. I think once I became a mother, my worry switch was permanently flipped, and I cannot get it off for the life of me. Hang in there.

Thursday, April 12, 2007 10:09:00 PM  

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