Hypothetical Foolishness

Let's say, hypothetically, that one was a foolish and naive 19-year-old college sophomore sorority girl, back in, oh, let’s say, 1992. And let's say, also hypothetically, that one foolish and naïve 19-year-old-sophomore-sorority-girl was still nursing a tender heart broken by Boy Who Decided to Become a Priest, and had not yet met One True Love Boy.

Theoretically, in this sad period of time between Boy Who Decided to Become a Priest and One True Love Boy, such a girl MIGHT dabble experimentally on-and-off-and-on-and-off with Curiously Charming But Vaguely Not Trustworthy Boy…

And let’s say, just speculatively, during those oh-so-confusing days of early 1992, that one 19-year-old-sorority-girl-sophomore had had a rather nasty argument with Curiously Charming But Vaguely Not Trustworthy Boy. An argument that ended badly.

Hypothetically speaking, if, a few days after the argument that ended badly, one 19-year-old-sophmore-sorority-girl had listened to two straight hours of The Smiths and then consumed, perhaps, ¾ of a bottle of Strawberry Hill Boone’s Farm and wandered over to the fraternity house of Curiously Charming But Vaguely Not Trustworthy Boy, and proceeded to play tonsil honkey with Random-Boy-From-the-College-Football-Team, whilst sitting on Curiously Charming But Vaguely Not Trustworthy Boy’s couch (because one foolish and naïve 19-year-old-college-sophomore-girl might have thought this behavior was the best revenge against whatever discretion committed by Curiously Charming But Vaguely Not Trustworthy Boy that led to the argument that ended badly)…and, for the sake of argument, let’s say that one incredibly stupid and monumentally foolish 19-year-old-girl dragged Random-Boy-From-The-College-Football-Team back to her dorm room, after insuring that any number of Curiously Charming But Vaguely Not Trustworthy Boy’s fraternity brothers witnessed said hypothetical exodus…

Imagine, in theory, that said girl, in an effort to put off the affections of her (understandably confused and thoroughly used and misled) companion then proceeded to pretend to vomit into her own wastebasket, followed by pretending to pass out on her own bedroom floor, causing, hypothetically, Random-Boy-From-the-College-Football-Team to put said girl, fully-clothed, into her bed and leave said girl’s room. Perhaps leaving a very expensive (hypothetical) leather jacket behind…

And let’s say that, the next day, one True Blue Girlfriend Named Jen Who Was Also the Trainer for the Football Team assisted stupid, naïve and foolish 19-year-old-college-sophomore-girl in returning said hypothetically expensive jacket to Random-Boy-From-The-College-Football-Team. After which, one stupid-naïve-and-foolish-19-year-old-college-sophomore-girl never spoke of the incident which, in her mind, she just might have labeled, “the incredibly, amazingly, monumentally stupid, brainless, dangerously idiotic night of too much Boone’s Farm from which this girl was very lucky to have escaped unscathed and thank-god Random-Boy-From-the College-Football-Team was not a date rapist” (which is kind of a long name for an incident, to be honest)….

Imagine that said girl spent the next two years studiously avoiding Random-Boy-From-the-College-Football-Team and threw herself into her classes and maintaining a kick-ass GPA, and some Shakespeare, and the arms of One True Love Boy, and THEN thereafter spent a good thirteen years really never thinking about said incident at all…

And, hypothetically speaking, when foolish and naïve 19 year old sophomore sorority girl had grown up to become, well, let’s just say, an all-grown-up Law Mommy…and all-grown-up Law Mommy happened to step through the doors of a courthouse one incredibly rainy and drippy afternoon, looking like a drowned rat, accompanied by her very pregnant assistant, also looking like a drowned rat…where soaking-wet-drowned-rat-looking Law Mommy came face-to-face, for the first time in 13 years, with Random-Boy-From-the-College-Football-Team-Who-Was-Thank-God-Not-A-Date-Rapist, who was now New-Civil-Courthouse-Clerk…

Well, hypothetically, what do you suppose a strong, brave and fearless all-grown-up Law Mommy would do in such a situation?

Speculatively, do you suppose that Law Mommy would look Random-Boy-From-The-College-Football-Team-Who-Is-Now-New-Civil-Courthouse-Clerk in the face when he asked, “Hey, didn’t you go to Cute Small Liberal Arts College?”, lie furiously, and say, “No. No…I went to…Indiana. Bloomington. I’m an IU alum, that’s me.” And then turn to her assistant and say, “So…when is that baby shower again?” whilst shoving her out the door???

And would Law Mommy then phone True Blue Girlfriend Named Jen who helped orchestrate the infamous return of the leather jacket and tell her that she had just run smack dab into Long Buried Embarrassing Incident From The Past?

And hypothetically speaking, would it be inappropriate for Law Mommy to avoid that particular floor of the courthouse for, say, the rest of her career???

LM