Tuesday, February 10, 2009

In Which the Gloves Come Off and I Say Some Things I Might Regret Later

I am in a bad mood right now. This morning, I had to read through some reports regarding one of my cases that involved one party doing something so heinous to another party that I threw up in my mouth a little bit when I read it.

So, I preface this by saying...I'm not in a good mood. I am horrified by the freakishly cruel things that people do to people they are supposed to love. I try not to let it make me jaded, so it tends to make me angry.

And right now, my anger, rather than being directed at the party who deserves it (because I have to maintain professional distance) - my anger has found another outlet....and here it goes.

I am reading this article right now, and I want to wring Nadya Suleman's (aka The Octuplet Mom) neck.

First, she says she's never been on welfare....BUUUUUUUUUUUUUT she gets food stamps. ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND the hospital has billed Medi-Cal for the expenses of the birth and the care of the 8 babies? Huh??? HUH???? WTF????

The people of California have to pay for this lunacy??????????????

Now, when my niece was born, all by herself, a singleton birth, eleven weeks early, she had to spend a very long time in the hospital, and we were very worried that she wouldn't make it (she just turned 14 years old, happily) - it was very, very expensive, her neonatal intensive care. I'm not sure HOW expensive, but it was EXPENSIVE and it was paid for by my sister's health coverage that she had through her husband's employment. So I have some personal knowledge of how much it costs to keep a preemie alive, and how much work it is to keep a preemie alive, and how much, as a family, you do not THINK ABOUT how much it costs to keep a preemie alive, because, in that time, your mind is trying very hard not to think about the fact that without all this machinery and doctors and nurses and techs, this baby, this dearly loved and wanted and hoped for baby, this baby who fits in the PALM OF YOUR HAND, will die.

My point is, I'm not a monster. I don't begrudge these babies the cost of keeping them alive. So, please don't think that's what I'm saying. Let me make that very clear. I do not begrudge these babies a thing. They are here now, and breathing and children of God. I hope they live long, healthy lives. And that they don't carry on the insanity of their mother.

What I begrudge is that their mother did this to them on purpose. She DID IT ON PURPOSE. Even knowing the risks of having SIX (allegedly) embryos implanted, she DID IT ANYWAY. And now the people of California will pay boatloads of money to keep these eight babies alive, when, if she had had them implanted one or two at a time, WOULD NOT BE NECESSARY. (Okay, sure, based on this woman's track record, probably Medi-Cal would be paying for each of those births, but probably not to the tune of 1.5 million.)

What I begrudge is that she insists she isn't getting welfare. What does she think food stamps are?? I KNOW that times are hard, and I know that there are a lot of people in this country who are hungry who need food stamps, who depend on them for their continued health and well-being, because it is hard to feed four people (or five or six) on minimum wage. And I have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that a woman who had $100,000 (A HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS) to have fertility treatments somehow DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO FEED THE CHILDREN SHE ALREADY HAS. I have to believe that there are families in California who are more deserving of that $490/month in assistance, which this woman doesn't even recognize as ASSISTANCE.

I begrudge the fact that she would actually say that "God will provide in his own way" (article here) when asked how she will feed these babies. Because it sure wasn't God who got her pregnant with EIGHT babies, and it sure feels like the people of California will be supplying much of their food.

And then we have this article, which suggests that I am angry with this woman because I am JEALOUS. Which, just...wow. That makes me think my head might actually explode.

I am not jealous of a woman with ten children under the age of 2. I think that having ten children under the age of 2 will be a special kind of hell compromised of horrifying sleep deprivation and a never-ending tidal wave of unavoidable bodily fluids.

So, no, I am not jealous. I am angry that anyone would look at this bumblef**k of arrogance, stupidity, greed, and hubris and call it a miracle. It's not a miracle - it's a travesty.



Blogger Rachel said...

Amen to that.

I totally agree. And I am not really in a bad mood at all.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009 1:52:00 PM  
Anonymous Elaine said...

The world has gone mad, and it's just getting worse.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009 2:46:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, what you said.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009 4:31:00 PM  
Anonymous Stacy said...

I'm so glad to see you blogging about this (so glad it's bringing me out of lurkerdom with your blog!) because this whole situation is driving. me. nuts. I watched a couple of the videos of her interview on Huff Post as well as one of her poor mom, and I thought my head would explode. Trust me, other weirdos who somehow support her, I am NOT jealous of her. I feel very, vey badly for her kids. Shame on her and the doctor who went along with her clear insanity for being so incredibly selfish.

There, rant over, and I'm not in a bad mood today either!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009 4:35:00 PM  
Anonymous char said...

I am not in a bad mood either, but I know a load of crap when I hear it. It is a shame that in a time when there are so many people who could use a hand, this woman made a choice to take millions from the state. We have two kids b/c we know how much money we have now and how much it takes to have/raise a child and it wouldn't be reasonable to have another child right now. I feel like this woman was only thinking of herself, not even of her kids when she did this. So basically, I have three words for you: preach. it. sister!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009 5:00:00 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

Exactly what part of that might you regret later? I can't see anything wrong with what you've said.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009 5:24:00 PM  
Blogger S. said...

I totally agree. Esp. as someone who has spent time in a NICU, and who chose NOT to get pg. again because while I could live with what *I* would have to go through, I couldn't, for myself, justify putting a baby through potentially being a micro-preemie and all of the complications that go along with it. I think you said it really well.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009 5:33:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aaaa-MEN Sister! And don't forget that while she is not getting welfare, three if her children are getting SSI checks, which is....(wait for it).. WELFARE!!!!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009 10:09:00 PM  
Blogger Irshlas said...

I think I love you :-)

Tuesday, February 10, 2009 10:40:00 PM  
Blogger Trannyhead said...

So - I usually try not to get sucked into these kinds of news stories but I have been unable to help myself with this octo mom. She's totally insane.

If she had 6 embryos implanted, she would HAVE to, by default, have 2 sets of identical twins among the 8, right? There was no mention of that in the interviews.

I bet we'll see parental rights terminated fairly soon. There was one website (Radar or something like that) where Granny gave an interview and apparently the conditions of the tiny little house were totally squalid. They had pictures. There's just no way they can have all those kids in that tiny little space. I don't get it. I just don't get it.

And I, too, feel very sorry for those poor kids.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009 11:41:00 PM  
Blogger mam said...

Yeah, with you. This is the sound of a round of applause with my similarly ungloved hands.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009 12:04:00 AM  
Blogger mam said...

p.s. sorry you're grumpy. People do, indeed, very often suck. A lot.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009 12:04:00 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

Sing it, sister. I couldn't agree more. And I'm glad you wrote about it, b/c apparently I'm too stupid to write anything remotely intelligent these days. This woman is insane (in the membrane). Sorry about the mood, although I'm sure you would have felt the same about the crazy mom either way. I can't imagine what happened in your case, but I'm certain it was terrible. Hope tomorrow is a little better.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009 2:34:00 AM  
Blogger Jules and Danny said...


I only occasionally post on your site, but had to add my comments to this. I, like you, have nothing but love for these 8 new lives... I wish them well, I pray for their health and want only good things for them.

BUT, having gone through in vitro and now adoption... I wonder about the ethics of the clinic that aided in this "miracle".

When going through in vitro, clinics in Ontario, Canada... limit the transfer of embryos to 2 or 3 if under 35 and 3 or 4 if over 35 years. As I was only 31 at the time, we chose 2, because we were strongly cautioned that selective reduction was recommended if there were 3 viable babies... and since we could not live with that, we chose 2. We had no success... but I couldn't imagine the medical costs to a public system, the ethical choices of babies born far too early, etc... of trying to carry triplets. I know it sometimes happens naturally and even at our clinic triplets were often born... Carrying 8 children and the consequences of such a birth astounds me. I know that my fertility specialist would NOT transfer 6 embryos at one time!

And secondly, I have just had to update my homestudy for the adoption, because I started the process as a single mother and during the interminable wait (3 years) I met someone and married him. We have had to PROVE our ability to nuture and parent a SINGLE child... you've been through the HS, you know what this is like.

Why was no one questioning her ability to parent another child when she already had 6??????

This is what I find frustrating... this is why I will continue to pray for all of the children in that family. May they be loved and provided for...


Wednesday, February 11, 2009 10:33:00 AM  
Blogger Trying Traditional said...

It's ignorance or insanity.

People do such strange things. The sad thing is most think it's all good and normal.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009 10:35:00 AM  
Blogger Graced said...

Yeah. If I lived out there, I'd be willing to bet that I would be seeing them later on in life in my job, in the system.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009 1:48:00 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Didn't know if you saw this yet...

I totally agree with everything you have said...doesn't seem right.

Check out her new website...it is advertised as a way to make donations to help the "poor"...sorry I mean proud mother of 14. What a nut!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009 4:39:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarah beat me to the punch. I just saw the news story about her website and thought of your post. Can you believe she had a DONATE button on her site!?

BTW, Perez Hilton is calling her "Octopussy."

Thursday, February 12, 2009 12:11:00 AM  
Blogger aglu said...

"I am in a bad mood right now."
Put on sports footwear and leave to run.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009 3:35:00 AM  
Blogger kate said...

What you said. Every time i hear more about this story i am simply astounded, it does NOT seem that it can POSSIBLY be true. SO f-ing stupid.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009 3:01:00 PM  

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