Tuesday, December 15, 2009

If You Never Let Me Go, Well I Will Never Let You Down

Forgive me for my absence. Writer's Block. It's a terrible affliction.

Yesterday evening, I was leaving downtown at around 6:20 PM, a good hour after most downtown work bees have already gone home. I pulled up to a stop light at an intersection just before the entrance to the interstate, where A HUGE, scary-looking man was crossing the otherwise deserted street. (No other cars, no other people, just me and the dude.)

He stopped in the middle of the road and started yelling at me.

I was frightened. He yelled some more, gesturing and pointing.

My heart was racing.

He came up to the driver's side door as I frantically checked to make sure the door was locked and wondered if I was about to be carjacked. (In hindsight, it never once occurred to me to blow through the red light!)

He leaned his face close to my window and yelled,


Which just goes to show you that sometimes first impressions are worth a big pile of elephant dung. (Remember that Ted Bundy looked like the sort of harmless guy you could safely ask for directions.)

Thank you, kind, frightening looking Good Samaritan. Your mizpah was much appreciated.


We have been celebrating the referral of the beautiful Miss Ella to our great friends H&L. If you haven't been over to see their beautiful girl - go bask in the adorableness that is Ella.

Lana, however, has been less than enthused about the idea of having to share H&L with Ella.

H~ and Lana have a special friendship - Lana likes to call H~ in the evening to talk to her, and she has also figured out how to text her - and Lana is smart enough to have figured out that Ella is going to change things.

I also think that Lana is a little worried, on some level, that Ella is replacing her.

When we opened up the photo on our computer to show Gabe and Lana Ella's picture - Gabe's first response was to say, "She's a cute baby, mom."

Lana, on the other hand, took one look and stormed from the room.

I followed her and asked what was wrong.

She turned and yelled at me, "You said Ella would look like ME! She does NOT look like me. She has white skin! I have brown skin! Not the same! Not the same at ALL!"

(She is still pretty upset that Ella's complexion is lighter than hers. I am at a loss about how to handle this - I keep telling Lana that her skin is beautiful, that people come in many shades. Skin tone is a HUGE issue in Lana's life right now.)

A few days later, when we were discussing Ella once more, Gabe again declared her to be a very cute baby. Lana glared at her brother, and said, "Why everybody keep saying that baby is cute? That baby is NOT cute. That baby....HAS NO HAIR!"

She pronounced this, about her lack of hair, with a look of triumph on her face.

I looked at her, a bit stunned. "Why would you say that?" I asked.

Lana growled at me. She actually growled. "You want that baby instead of Lana! You wish you had that tiny baby, not me!"

Oh my poor sweet misguided girl. I said, "You could not possibly be more wrong."

She said she didn't understand what I meant.

So I told her that our family was complete, that there were only four chairs at our dinner table, that our family had four people in it and that we did not want any more babies.

I told her that searched the whole world to find the person who would make our family complete, and that that person was Lana, and no other person would do.

She was satisfied, for the moment, that I was not coveting Ella. I keep trying to explain to her that I am happy that H&L have Ella, but that I do not want Ella for myself. It's a fine line to walk with my girl.

Last Friday night, we were having dinner with H&L at an Italian restaurant, sitting at a table for six.

H~ was sitting between Gabe and Lana so they could fight over her...er...enjoy her attention.

Lana looked at our table for six and asked, "When Ella comes home, where will she sit when we go out to eat?" (From her expression I had the impression that she thought she had a winning argument here - there wasn't a seventh chair at a table for six, so, there was no room for Ella.)

H~ said, "Well, at first, she'll sit in a high chair at the end of the table."

"Oh..." Lana said. Shot down by the high chair...


Lana continues to need reassurance from Husband and I that she is our only daughter and the only daughter that we want or need. On Sunday, we went bowling for L~'s big birthday, and I was able to briefly hold baby Roz on my lap. Lana was having none of that, though, and Roz was soon returned to her mother's lap so that Lana could sit on mine.

At this point, I think I just need to keep my lap open for Lana - so that she knows her spot in our little kingdom is not about to usurped!


* The Gaslight Anthem, The Backseat


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay that guy would have scared the living frap out of me. And I could totally see myself forgetting a "little" thing like my headlights. :-)

I think it's really good that Lana feels safe to share her fears/concerns with you. And Ella is totally adorable. (And the skin thing? We adopted from VN, in part, because we hoped that being right next door to Cambodia would mean the kids would share similar skin tones etc... but it didn't turn out that way. And R has pointed out on more than one occasion that she's the only "brown" kid in the family. Best laid plans and all that...)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009 1:54:00 PM  
Blogger Ella At Last said...

You are a gracious friend to allow us, to allow me, to be what we are/I am in Lana and Gabe's life. I'm with mrsbroccoliguy - that Lana is sharing and talking about the Ella-upheaval is paramount. This has been one big trigger for our sweet girl. Ella has brought some insecurities to Lana's surface. H&L understand. And it makes us love Lana all the more.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009 10:51:00 AM  
Blogger Ella At Last said...

And, a big thank you for fussin' over our girl. We thinks she's a keeper, for sure. :)

Wednesday, December 16, 2009 10:51:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I freaked out a several years ago when a mild-mannered looking guy about my dad's age approached me in the Meijer parking lot as I was getting into my mini van. I locked the doors really fast, and he came up to my window, which I rolled down only far enough to be able to hear him. Turns out he just wanted to know if we liked our mini van (it was a Kia in a sea of Honda Oddessy's) because he was thinking of getting one). So totally understandable that you would be scared by a not-so-mild-mannered-looking fellow.
I agree that is it good Lana is sharing her fears with you, though I'm sure that doesn't make your heart break any less. Ella is adorable. Maybe it would help Lana to have some special "job" to "help" with Ella once she is home. Like being the official reader of a certain book, or the peek-a-boo mentor, or something that makes her feel even more special and needed now that the baby is here? I don't know . . . just thinking as I type . . .

Thursday, December 17, 2009 12:08:00 PM  

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