Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I feel your ghost again, when I thought you'd gone for real

I thought about calling this post "The Ghosts of Facebook Past" - but that was maybe more lighthearted than I am really feeling.

I believe I mentioned some time ago, my cousin who was arrested for...um...something really bad.

So, he's in prison. Where it is likely he will stay for the rest of his days.

I have considered writing him a letter, and, in fact, on one occasion, started a letter.

Unfortunately, it started, "I am so disappointed" and ended with "WERE YOU EVEN F**KING SOBER IN JUNE WHEN I LET YOU TAKE MY CHILDREN TO RIDE ON THE ROLLER COASTERS WHEN I COULDN'T BECAUSE I JUST HAD SURGERY???"

I didn't feel it was a productive letter. (For the record, I let him walk my children out of our hotel and into the world's best amusement park to ride a 'mid level thrill ride' that I was not able to go on because I had surgery in May. So, he walked with them there and walked with them back, he didn't drive them anywhere. And I am 99% sure he was sober at the time, but I don't have a lot of experience in what a functioning heroin addict looks like when they are high, but I would like to think I would have noticed. Maybe I am fooling myself.)

So I didn't send it. Or finish it.

I read a news story recently that Facebook will make a memorial of your deceased loved one's facebook page...which is nice, but it's not an option for your run-of-the-mill "not dead, but incarcerated forever" loved one.

As such, on a regular basis, when I log in to FB, it tells that I should RECONNECT with said cousin. Or, alternately, that I should "help him find a profile picture" or "write on his wall".

It's like a kick in the teeth every.single.time.

I thought about 'unfriending' him. But I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Tell me, internets - does Facebook kick you in the teeth on a regular basis?

**************

In other cousin heartbreak...Kelsey is still missing. I keep hoping. Hope in a hopeless world, I guess.

LM

*Richard Shindell, You Again

4 Comments:

OpenID itsagirlthing said...

Hi Gretchen- I've been reading your blog since you first met Lana (I have a daughter from VN too). I know this is not exactly the point of your post, but on Facebook where you are seeing those friendly "suggestions" there is a little X in the top right corner of the suggestion area you can click so FB quits making that suggestion... I asked FB to stop suggesting I make friends with my ex-husband. It's much less annoying now!
Karin

Wednesday, November 18, 2009 2:45:00 PM  
Blogger j'lynn said...

I'm sorry for your tough time at the hands of your cousin. I am no expert, trust me, but my son's father is in prison for 3-15 for a horrible act he did when he was drunk one night/morning. I will never forgive him for what he did (it wasn't to me or my son) and I have to admit...I wrote and told him that while he was in county. We had been separated almost 4 years by then and divorced over a year at that time. I held nothing back. We began speaking again...there were many, many letters back and forth...me spilling my anger out at him, him realizing how far he had fallen from grace... I found it helped me as much as it helped him. We are almost two years past that first letter. It not only made me feel better to tell him exactly what I felt, thought, etc., but it helped him too. At that point everyone had given up on him...his parents, his family, his friends...but realizing someone on the outside even thought enough of him to tell him off and how much anger they had towards him allowed him to begin searching within himself to deal with what he has to deal with in order to overcome what he has done and try to rehabilitate himself.

I would say send the letter...mainly because it may help you.

I deleted my facebook page, so I have nothing to offer there.

I'm just really sorry you have had to deal with this...hugs to you.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009 9:21:00 PM  
Blogger Terynn said...

I just wanted to let you know that I know that Kelsey is still missing. I remember whenever another young woman goes missing, without a trace. People care and I wish there was more we could do.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009 9:45:00 PM  
Blogger mam said...

Like Terynn said...I too am remembering and hoping with you.

Thursday, November 19, 2009 9:36:00 AM  

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