Thursday, September 10, 2009

Circling the Drain, Throw It All Away, Just to Get High*

I don't know much about heroin. I don't know how it's made, or how it's affects the brain, or why it's so very addictive.

I have trouble conceiving of the circumstances that would lead a rational person to inject it into their veins. (Possibly because I hate needles. I mean, I HATE needles. I haven't been to a vaccination appointment for my children since Gabriel was six weeks old. The nurses asked Husband to come alone after that. True story.)

What I do know about heroin is this:

Once upon a time, there was a boy. He was bright, he made me laugh, and he had a beautiful smile. He was charming and kind. On more than one occasion, as children, he stood between me and another member of my extended family who was, at that time, full of rage and anger.

Unfortunately, I have spent the last 15 years watching him try to kill himself with heroin.

What I know about heroin is that it can take a boy who is, by nature, kind and gentle, and turn him into a man who did horrible things when he was high. Horrible things.

I have spent the last 15 years worrying that he would kill himself and it did not occur to me that there are worse outcomes than that.

Because what is worse than watching someone you love kill themselves with heroin is watching them take someone else with them. And succeeding.

There are a lot of things I would like to say to him right now.

Among them:

I trusted you. I helped you. I CARED ABOUT YOU. You hurt me. And now you have hurt another family immeasurably and there is nothing that can be done to undo it. And my heart is broken.

LM

*Nickelback, Just to Get High - forgive me for two posts in one day referencing to same album. I have been listening to this album, and in particular, this song, for ten days now. The song is here - Nickelback - Just to Get High

10 Comments:

OpenID mrsbroccoliguy said...

I am So So sorry. What an awful experience, to watch someone you love destroy themselves and hurt so many others in the process. It's been a very hard year for your (extended) family. I hope things get better from here.

Thursday, September 10, 2009 2:26:00 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

Oh, wow, G. I cannot even imagine. I'm so sorry. I hope you're okay. Hugs.

Thursday, September 10, 2009 2:28:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Been there done that, with some relatives. It reminded me of the vampires in the movie "Lost Boys".

His behavior is probably beyond his control. Think of Gollum and his precious ring.

Has he tried Methadone? There is somehing new too, I think it is bupo morphine.

If you can get him into a Methadone program that often works better then rehap where they keep trying to make you stop completely.

Some people just can't stop completely and methadone works really well for herion addicts.

He will get a lot better but it may take a year before he can get his head back together enough to hold a job or go back to school etc.

This stuff just happens. It happens in "good" families as well as bad. Do what you can to suport him and his family.

It took my guy 15 years but he did get off the stuff (5 yrs now) and he is doing fine. We kept putting him into rehab after rehab, and NA meetings, but the methadone worked for him.

How do they start? Most people I talked to said they started sniffing it, and then after a while wanted a better high.

Thursday, September 10, 2009 3:12:00 PM  
Blogger LawMommy said...

Thank you for the support, Anonymous.

He killed someone. He has already been convicted of two felonies. He isn't going to have the chance to get into a Methadone program, or any other program...

Thursday, September 10, 2009 5:38:00 PM  
Blogger mam said...

Oh G., I'm so sorry to read this.

Thursday, September 10, 2009 7:43:00 PM  
Blogger Graced said...

So, so sorry to hear that. Hugs for you.

Thursday, September 10, 2009 8:10:00 PM  
Blogger Jena said...

I am so so sorry. Watching someone you love to the worst imaginable thing is horrible.
I am so sorry.

Friday, September 11, 2009 9:10:00 AM  
Anonymous Elaine said...

Wow. I am so, so, so sorry. I actually read this post the day you put it up, but just didn't know what to say. I still don't really know what to say, except that I am so, so, so sorry. It has been a rough year for your family, hasn't it?

Wednesday, September 16, 2009 9:20:00 PM  
Blogger Trying Traditional said...

I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. Words seem inadequate. Our area has a very bad problem with heroin. It affects small towns, big cities, the blue collar worker, and the jet setting business man. It is an awful drug that is so addictive and controlling. Unfortunately, the current trend around here is to get children hooked before they are out of middle school and they have seen it in 4th and 5th grade.

So, so sorry.

Sunday, September 20, 2009 9:58:00 PM  
Blogger Mary Forbus said...

I am an anesthetist and have seen such improvement in pain relief measures People do not get hooked if you give routine meds for pain. The problem is if they develop the pain cycle. Street drugs are a totally different problem

Friday, July 22, 2016 12:46:00 PM  

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