Thursday, September 17, 2009

Interlude

If you need to laugh, and you love the muppets, you must go look at CELEBRITY MUPPET LOOKALIKES!

I promise, if nothing else, it will make you giggle.

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A conversation with my sister:

Me: I cannot believe this is happening.

Her: Every family has skeletons in its closet. This is just a pretty big skeleton.

Me: Oh sure, yes, every family has one cousin go missing under suspicious circumstances, followed by another cousin falling back into a heroin addiction and accidentally killing another person who may or may not also be a heroin addict. Happens all the time.

Her: When you say it like that, it sounds really bad.

Me: That's because it is REALLY BAD.

Her: It's just because we have a big family. And because we're close. I mean, I bet lots of people have cousins in prison. They just don't care about them.

Me: So this makes us humanitarians, then?

Her: Basically, yes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We have had a Fruit Loops Drama in my house that is so ridiculous I have to share it so that you can know the kind of surreality I am existing in.

Yesterday morning, before I was really awake, Gabriel came into my bedroom and said, "Mom, I ate all the Fruit Loops."

I said, "You ate ALL the Fruit Loops?" and inwardly, I felt annoyed by the fact that he had eaten them all because A. I wanted some and B. I was pretty sure that eating two big bowls of Fruit Loops would make him insane all day and I was secretly thankful that he had soccer practice so at least he would run all the Fruit Loop Insanity out of his body before the day was over.

Last night, things were kind of crazy in my kitchen because I decided that the inside of the dishwasher was disgusting and had to be cleaned before I could accomplish anything, and also that I needed to bake a batch of cookies for Husband's aunt who is stopping by today on her way from Philadelphia to Detroit, and also that I needed to prepare the things to make a casserole that would reheat easily in case Husband's Aunt was hungry for something more than cookies at whatever time she happens to stop by. PHEW. I am tired again just thinking about this.

So, after I scrubbed the dishwasher with a toothbrush, and after I cut up a bunch of cabbage and onions and cooked some long grain rice and defrosted some beef and baked a batch of banana chocolate chip cookies, I put Lana and Gabe to bed.

As I was singing to Lana she said, "Mommy, Gabe didn't really eat all the Fruit Loops." And I said, "What?" and she said, "He didn't eat all the Fruit Loops, he hid them and I want some for breakfast tomorrow."

I finished singing to Lana and I walked into Gabe's room where I found him stretched across his bed, petting the cat, wearing only pajama shorts and a Korean Air eye-mask, and I said, "Gabriel, did you hide the Fruit Loops?"

He had the courtesy to look ashamed and said, quietly, "yes."

And I said, "Why would you hide the Fruit Loops?"

And he said, "Because I didn't want to share them with Lana."

And I said, "We share food in this house and where are they???" He told me where they were. And then I sent Husband in to have a chat with him about why we share food and why we DON'T LIE TO OUR MOTHER.

So...I went downstairs and hid the Fruit Loops. Yes, because I am a grown up. Or not.

This morning, Gabe woke me up and said, "Mom, where's the Fruit Loops?" and I said, "I hid them." And Gabe got upset, and I suggested that it did NOT feel good when somebody hides the Fruit Loops, and I said that WHEN I GOT UP, I would pour three servings of Fruit Loops and that he and I and his sister would eat them AS A FAMILY, because FAMILIES SHARE FRUIT LOOPS. At which point I advised him to leave me alone OR ELSE I WOULD THROW THE FRUIT LOOPS AWAY.

And so he left and I made him and his sister eat bananas before they could have any Fruit Loops, and at this point I am considering never buying Fruit Loops ever again. They aren't something we usually buy. This was a diversion from our usual Cinnamon Life or Kix, and I can't say it went very well...

This is my life....I'm not sure what happened to it.

LM

14 Comments:

Anonymous ELaine said...

A. We also eat a lot of cinnamon Life and Kix. Have you tried the new Honey Kix? Love it! If I bought Fruit Loops, my oldest would hide the entire box IN HER STOMACH the very first day.

B. My husband has a cousin in prison. Not that that will make you feel any better, but it's true. I'm not even sure how many people he's killed (because apparently? being in prison didn't stop him, and I don't think drugs had anything to do with any of them). He's been there for quite a while now, so I've never met him (though family lore has it that Charlie Manson has). So, at any rate, yes, other families do have cousins in prison. Again, that probably doesn't help you at all, but I just thought I'd share (and now you can tell your sister she is right).
C. I miss the muppets. I'm off to click on that link.

Thursday, September 17, 2009 12:34:00 PM  
Blogger mam said...

At some point near the end of reading that, the words "Fruit Loops" passed that point where words are just words and they become meaningless but hilarious sounds...you know that phenomena?

I would have found them and eaten them all. That'll show 'em.

Thursday, September 17, 2009 12:55:00 PM  
OpenID myminivanrocks said...

I have cousins who have been in jail, and I have a third step-cousin who is on death row. I know that means he is not technically my cousin, but in my family everyone is a cousin, no mattter what the degree. I also just found out that my great-grandfather and two of my great-uncles went to jail for murder (though the great-grandfather was actually framed and later received a pardon by the governor).

And even worse, my grandparents used to be bookies. They didn't serve jail time, but they did have to go turn themselves in. My grandma asked my mom to color her hair before she did so because she knew she was going to have her picture taken. Yes, my grandmother had her hair done so she could have a good mugshot.

The only normal people in this world are the ones you just don't know very well (or who don't share their dirty little family secrets on their blog).

Thursday, September 17, 2009 1:39:00 PM  
Blogger Jenny said...

Soo funny. We have fruit loops and applejacks for crafts but the girls sneak them in once in a while. We only eat honeynut cheerios.

And growing up we had more people in and out of our house to re-hab that anyone I have ever met. Everyone has stuff, family stuff, friend stuff, Stuff that we wish we didn't. It is the way the world works..

Thursday, September 17, 2009 2:54:00 PM  
Blogger Graced said...

Oh my God, the fruit loops... that gave me a much needed laugh. Though you're much more mature than me; when I had a similar situation with my nephews a few years ago, I hid the candy and wouldn't tell them what happened. Alas!

Thursday, September 17, 2009 3:59:00 PM  
Blogger La Turista said...

Mad Muppet Love? Check.
Fruit Loop Addict? Check.
Cousin in Prison? Check.

We are SO the same person.

Thursday, September 17, 2009 5:56:00 PM  
Anonymous N said...

I stopped buying sugary cereals after my 3 boys had a rumble over the Lucky Charms. I had to ask myself, "Why do I have to become the Mean Mom because of a breakfast item?"

Friday, September 18, 2009 11:45:00 AM  
OpenID mrsbroccoliguy said...

Blogger just ate my comment. That was very rude.

Anyway.

-Loved the muppet lookalikes.

-Everyone has family dramas. Your family is having some serious whoppers. (I do have a cousin who had a child with a drug dealer that spent 14 years in prison... and then she later married another guy to help him get US citizenship. But that's as close I can come to your level of drama. Sorry.)

-My kids would go equally crazy over fruit loops. And I think you were very smart to turn the tables and hide the cereal from Gabe - that was a very concrete way to make your point. :-)

Friday, September 18, 2009 1:36:00 PM  
Blogger Catherine said...

By the time I was done reading the fruit loops story I had forgotten all about the cousin in prison. So at least you can keep that in mind if/when you need to share that bit of information with a stranger...follow with the Fruit Loops.

Friday, September 18, 2009 2:21:00 PM  
Blogger A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

I never shared my frootloops and I never leggo'd my eggo!

Sunday, September 20, 2009 9:46:00 PM  
Blogger Tansasser said...

I'm delurking to tell you that I love the tale of the Fruit Loops. It's funny that it took all day for Lana to tell you - If I had been the little sister, you could have bet that I would have been all over that one as soon as mommy woke up.

Sorry to read about all of the challenges with your family. I can't really relate to either of the situations you wrote about, but I know you aren't alone. Hang in there.

Monday, September 21, 2009 10:28:00 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

I love your recount of the fruit loops incident. In fact, it was so good that I'd totally forgotten the prison/drug drama by the time I finished the post. Thanks for making me smile tonight.

As for the family stuff, I think most people have a story. It sucks, but sometimes life sucks. People's actions and decisions aren't a reflection on their family. At least I don't think so.

Thursday, September 24, 2009 4:10:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi,

First time reading your blog and I have to say I am hysterically laughing at the fruit loops! Thanks for the smiles!
-Lynn

Friday, September 25, 2009 10:20:00 PM  
Blogger Kris said...

okay. see? REALLY a keeper.

Saturday, October 10, 2009 3:41:00 PM  

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