Monday, August 07, 2006

Here, idiot, have a clue

Allow me to share a piece of legal advice - abso-frigging-lutely free. I am basing this advice on a courtroom incident I recently observed and feel compelled to share.

Do not sit in the gallery of the courtroom and attempt to dissuade your little sister, who is taking a very generous plea deal for involuntary manslaughter*, that she should not, in fact, do so. The judge does not appreciate unsolicited advice from the gallery (or from anywhere for that matter.) After the judge leaves the bench, DO NOT, under ANY circumstances, stand up and yell something that sounds like, "KICK HIS ASS."

Further, when the courtroom deputy tells you to sit down and control yourself, do not turn to said deputy and say, "YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO." (, yes, he CAN tell you what to do. It's pretty much his job description.)

Thereafter, and I mean this SINCERELY, do not "put up your dukes" as if you want to go two or three rounds with the courtroom deputy.

After the courtroom deputy restrains you against the wall of the courtroom, you should not tell him that you will "never f**king never stupid pig a**hole" put your hands behind your back. You should not, at this point, attempt to bite the deputy.

After the deputy and three of his law enforcement friends from other courtrooms have thrown you to the ground in front of the family of the victim that your sister killed, you should not continue to fight them, because, they will pretty much get their way at that point, and you will be handcuffed. Four deputies against one idiot are bad odds for the idiot.

As you are hauled to your feet and taken to the jail, that is conveniently located right up the block from the courthouse, you really should not continue to express your desire to cause bodily harm to the judge. That's the kind of thing that gets extra charges added to the list of charges you are quickly compiling.

Oh, and one last thing. When you need a lawyer, under no circumstances, whatsoever, should you ask for me, Lawmommy.

*thereby getting only 12 years and avoiding a life sentence for murder


Blogger Nicki said...

Wow. Just wow.

Monday, August 07, 2006 1:26:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is exactly the reason my license to practice law is on deposit with the Great State of OH and I work for LN (online research provider.) I almost took a job as a city prosecutor and realized at the last minute that once I'd completed X amount of years prosecuting "those sort of people," the next step in my career would likely be to represent "those sort of people" and I decided I didn't want to live my life like that. I am undoubtedly much poorer financially than I would have been had I pursued that line of work, but I feel much safer. I admire you for spending as much time as you do at the court house in that danger zone.

H (waiting impatiently for my child who is somewhere in VN)

Monday, August 07, 2006 1:50:00 PM  
Blogger -Jenny said...

Hahaha....I have a friend who is an attorney in NY and was a ADA and experienced this kinda crap ALL THE DAMN TIME!

I swear, sometimes people just don't get it.

Monday, August 07, 2006 2:34:00 PM  
Blogger Nina said...

Thanks for the advice LM...although I am quite sure I will never need it. I would have like to be a fly on the wall for that kind of entertainment...

Monday, August 07, 2006 2:44:00 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Well you can't say nothing interesting every happens at work! Something tells me said idiot was not absolutely sober (or had previously killed numerous brain cells already) because I just can't imagine a rational person doing that.

Monday, August 07, 2006 3:41:00 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

LOL... Sounds like a fun Saturday night in the ER around here. Thanks for the (much needed) laugh!


Monday, August 07, 2006 6:14:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

THat story ranks up there with a funeral I was at a few years ago were the druggie son did a nose dive into his mothers open casket and then it took 5 cops to get him out.....

People are so classy sometimes....


Monday, August 07, 2006 7:35:00 PM  
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Tuesday, August 08, 2006 10:50:00 PM  

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