So...this sucks
Remember yesterday, when I said that my issues with Lana were just that, i.e. MY ISSUES.
Yeah, I guess I was WAY OFF THE MARK.
Because, I got a call from Gabriel's teacher yesterday. And the phrases, "not behaving like the same child he was before" and "not concentrating" and "not finishing work" and "unmotivated" and "extremely tired" and "recommend that he meet with the school counselor" were used.
I am ashamed to admit the things I have thought in the last 24 hours. I am ashamed but here they are, in no particular order, because if I don't write them down they will drive me to the brink of the cliffs of insanity:
~What the hell have I done to my life?
~What the hell have I done to my son's life?
~How is that I had one normal happy kid and now I have two unhappy ones?
~What the hell have I done to my Gabriel?
~What haven't I been doing for Gabriel?
~Whose life is this that I am leading right now because I am failing to recognize much more than a thread of it?
~Can I go to the damn beach now?
Anyway, I've basically been crying on and off constantly. I'm trying to find a family therapist in the greater metro-area with any adoption-sibling issue experience that is, oh, I don't know, covered by our insurance. These crazy expectations I have.
LM
posted by LawMommy at 3:22 PM
7 Comments:
It will be okay. I mean it, it really will. R~ had a lot of behavior/emotional issues for the first 3 months Zeeb was home. And I worried about it too, but she's adjusting and I know Gabriel will too. But therapy can't hurt - it might be a great thing for the whole family. Hope you find someone good covered by insurance.
And keep in mind, no matter how they arrive... sibs need adjustment time. Our first is adopted, our 2nd not, and I spent MONTHS freaking out about how our daughter would adjust to her brother... turns out she took it about as much in stride as any other sibling would - but I was SURE I had broken her with each outburst/regression /issue that came up.
Incidentally, ended up reading your blog via a knitting link, accidentally, as I have a Gabriel too (although mines 14 mths old).
Good luck,
Celeste
Um, does Gabriel's teacher know that he has a fairly-recently adopted sibling? Is this teacher someone you like, respect and/or trust? Do you see these same changes in Gabriel?
My experience has been that teachers often start looking for trouble (and, not infrequently finding it) if they are aware of a situation that, in their view, "should" be stressful.
But even if this is a real problem, you should take comfort in the fact that you're doing all the right things and that, yes, you will be able to work through it together.
I am here for you guys! Please let me help in any way. I would love to have some Gabe time. We really miss you guys!
Jami,Doug and Lillian
It stinks and I really have no advice, just wanted to say I'm thinking of your family and I just KNOW it has to get better. Your a great mom, and that counts for tons!
A new sibling is a gift for life. That doesn't mean the entry period is ever easy but it also prepares our kids for when they grow up.
Moms know best. If you feel Gabriel is doing well, he probably is. Adjustment takes time for everyone but going through those periods helps all of, in the end, learn to deal with life's "bumps" better. And again, Gabriel now has a sister - FOREVER. When you and your husband have passed someday, he will not be alone. He will have the best gift you could have given him - a sibling.
Gretchen,
We are living a similar situation in our house. My 3year old Sam has regressed and Olivia is up and down in her emotions. I'm also dealing with my 4 teens (2 girls with their own emotional ups and downs) and one son getting ready to fly the nest. The only saving grace is that I do know (after Sam's adoption 2 1/2 years ago) that this is temporary. Just as it takes a good year to finally stabilize after the birth of a child I'm giving it a good year after each adoption. I look for the glimmers of improvement that come each day (language a BIG one) and pray for the grace to see this through. Although I am not against therapy...time can heal in and of itself.
Feeling your pain!!
-Rebecca
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