Are You Muff Enough?

(Warning:  This post is probably not work safe, and it's probably inappropriate for children.)   I was doing some research.  (And by "research" I mean, "sitting in a chair at my friend Jen's salon, reading Marie Claire and Glamour while she highlighted my hair".)  And, what I discovered from this research is that, evidently, "Brazilian waxing" has become extremely popular in some parts of the US.  One of the articles didn't even bother to discuss how wide-spread the practice is, rather the author was taking it as a given that most of her audience was, uh, taking it ALL off, and the point of her article was that she was "trying out" NOT getting a Brazilian.   And I thought, 'has this become so pervasive that there are women for whom NOT getting a Brazilian is avant-garde'?    Color me skeptical.    Another article discussed the practice with some OB-GYNs who said that they were having more instances of women calling up, thinking they had contracted some kind of disease, when, in fact, they had an ingrown hair.  Or twelve.  (Think about that.  Think about a bunch of ingrown hairs in, er, that area.  OUCH!)    The result of this "research" was that I was cringing and crossing my legs protectively.    Because, what we are talking about is, essentially, covering one's "down there" with piping hot wax, and then letting a near stranger RIP THE HOT WAX from one's body in a violent manner, so as to RIP ALL OF THE HAIR AWAY.    ALL OF IT.   Look, I spend a great deal of time in the summer by our pool, so, I'm not talking about "taking a little off the sides" or some minor "yard work" so that one can hang out in a bathing suit for hours at a time without revealing whether or not the carpet matches the drapes.    I'm taking about hot, melted wax in very private crevices and ripping away so much hair that one might be confused with an eleven year old girl.  Which, um, I think is pretty creepy.    Also, not to over-share or anything (heck, I'm already talking about pubic hair, it's pretty likely that I've already stumbled into the realm of over-sharing), we are talking about a part of the anatomy to which I have an extreme attachment.  A part of my anatomy which, with the exception of the time I pushed a whole human being through it (after which it informed me that if I expected it to perform in the manner to which I was accustomed to it performing that I would have to promise to NEVER, EVER do that to it again), I have only allowed to be, frankly, pampered and treated nicely.  So, I really cannot imagine anyone giving me a good enough reason to have this intimate wax torture performed, save, you know, some kind of life saving surgical procedure.       Anyway, I decided to do some more "research", and by research in this case, I mean, "emailing some of my girlfriends and asking them to ask their husbands if Brazilian waxing is creepy or sexy, and then emailing the one single male guy I know well enough to ask that question to, and compiling their answers in a totally non-scientific way."    And the results of this data mining have been very interesting.    Some men indicated that, as long as they didn't find any other man parts down there that they would just be happy to have 10 minutes alone with their wife's lady bits regardless.   Some men indicated that they would happily navigate through a forest if it meant they were going to, uh, get some.    One man definitely felt it was sexy, especially on Jennifer Aniston in The Break Up.  (I've never seen this movie, so, I cannot attest to the sexiness or lack thereof this scene.  Except that Jennifer Aniston would probably be sexy in a parka and ratty old long johns, so, I don't know that anyone is surprised that she would be sexy with a, uh, stark naked cooter.)   But, generally speaking, the men whose opinions I got seemed neither here nor there on the subject.  Certainly, there was no great consensus of belief that when they have the opportunity to get naked with their significant other that said significant other should be hairless.    So, I'm wondering why women are putting themselves through the torture of this procedure when men, generally speaking, are evidently quite happy to visit that area, regardless of whether or not it looks like a naked mole rat?    Here's another thing that I SUSPECT men already know.  Adult women have hair on their 'down there'.  Why would we perpetuate a myth that we DON'T?  Why perpetuate a myth that it's okay for grown women to look like 11 year old girls?   And one more thing (because I have heard this bandied about as a reason why women are getting Brazilians):  if one's jeans are cut so low that one needs to wax all of one's hair off, ONE'S JEANS ARE TOO LOW.  Seriously.  The general public does NOT want to see your public bone.    LM   PS – in light of all the political posting these days, I thought about calling this post "In Defense of (My) Bush".  I decided not to go there, but, y'all can appreciate the humor in that post title, right?  Right??