See I'm all About Them Words, Over Numbers, Unencumbered, Numbered Words
I seem to have run out of words.
Normally I have lots of things to say. More things, more words, more topics of conversation, lots of things to write about.
Writing has always been part of who I am, part of WHAT I am.
Yes, I am lawyer, but I write. I write and write and write and I always have.
But for weeks now, months maybe...words fail me.
I would like to tell you an amusing story about how I got stuck in Elevator Number 4 (da*n you, wretched elevator number 4, cursed lift that seems to have some kind of voodoo hoodoo jinx upon it) and how I freaked out while stuck on Elevator Number 4, somewhere between floors 11 and 12, and how I hit the panic emergency button and the vaguely unnerving doorman tried to convince me that I was going to be just fine over the elevator intercom system...
And I'd also like to tell you that being stuck on an elevator for 3 minutes seems A LOT LONGER than 3 minutes, even with a doorman trying to talk you down from a full blown panic attack.
And I'd like to tell you all about how Lana looked at Husband and I last night and told us, with great seriousness, that she "didn't like God very much, because He sends the rain." And how it was very hard not to laugh hysterically at such a thing.
I'd like to be able to tell you about the crippling anxiety I seem to be struggling with right now, but I really don't have courage to go there.
I'd like to be able to put proper words to the idea that I feel a bit like the world's gone completely mad, and I'm not sure what there is to be done about it.
I'd like to express how angry I am about the fact that the folks at AIG, who lost $10,000+ of Husband's retirement money this year, are getting BONUSES. BONUSES. For losing MY HUSBAND'S MONEY. (And yes, I know it was a lot of money for a LOT of people, but in this case...it's PERSONAL.) Who gets a BONUS for losing a GAZILLION dollars? Who? What planet does that happen on??????????
At any rate, I miss writing. I miss my words. I miss story-telling.
I get more satisfaction from writing than from anything else that I can think of, and I'm sad that my writing-bone seems to be busted.
So, for now, I'm going to try to write a little bit every day.
I need to stretch these writing muscles that I think are maybe being atrophied by the aforementioned crippling anxiety.
Forgive me if I don't have a lot to say right now. But I'm nonetheless going to try to be saying a lot of nothing, until I can come up with something.
*Jason Mraz, You and I Both - incidentally, the other day, I heard a version of Bob Dylan's "A Hard Rain is A'Gonna Fall" sung by Jason Mraz, and now I am completely in love with it and I want to hear it again. But it isn't on YouTube which is just sad because I would like to share it with you all...and I cannot seem to find it on any album for sale, either. Anybody know where it can be obtained? (Legally, of course. I'll pay for it, I just cannot seem to find it!)