Threatening letters

I got a nasty gram from my ob-gyn's office yesterday. It says, "If we do not receive PAYMENT IN FULL within 14 days we will take legal action." Then, it demanded that I pay or call to discuss a payment arrangement.

Then, it said, 'your total balance is: _______$5.00.'

Yes, $5.00.

They threatened to sue me over $5.00.

I'm thinking of calling and offering a payment plan in which I would send .50 every month for 10 months.

Considering that it would cost them $87.00 in court costs, I feel pretty confident they will not file a suit against me.

How could I defend myself if they did? "Your honor, I offered to send them .50 a month for 10 months! They are so unreasonable!"

Honestly, when I got the bill for $5.00 - it hardly seemed worth the effort of getting out the checkbook and finding a stamp. I mean, for $5.00, couldn't they ask me for it when I come in next time? Heck, I have an appointment next month!

I honestly think it probably COST THEM MORE THAN $5.00 to pay someone to type the letter, plus the .39 it cost them to mail it.

I probably should pay them, since the ob-gyn is partnered with my family doctor in the same medical complex, and they have the same billing, and I am even more convinced that my toe is broken and I probably should seek medical care. Which they might deny me - based on my delinquency.

"No ma'am. I will not look at your toe until you pay the other doctor for all his work on your coochee." Where would I be then? Up a river with a broken toe, I guess.