Rough Patch

Lana and I went three rounds over a banana this morning. And, in the end, I’ve got to say, the entity that lost the most was probably the banana. It was, well, it was reduced to goo…really, it was not salvageable. But, I’m not sure that Lana and I came out unscathed.

We’ve been having a rough week.

Lana has been crying, a lot. There’s been more fit-throwing in our house than we have seen in months. There have been refusals to eat, well, much of anything. She has even only pecked at CHICKEN NUGGETS. FROM MCDONALDS. Heretofore her own taste Nirvana, Chicken Nuggets have gone HALF EATEN. I don’t know what to make of it.

And Lana has been talking/crying/calling out in her sleep. She is not awake during these episodes, but, they are disturbing the sleep of the rest of us. We’ve been here before, and worked through it. I just didn’t expect to see the night crying return. I thought we were doing well. I thought we had gotten our groove going, I thought we were really functioning well as a family of 4, and then, WHAM! SLAM! We have fit-throwing, food-rejection and night-crying, all in one week’s time.

You know what? It’s exhausting. It’s really exhausting is what it is. And baffling and frustrating and worrisome.

She woke up this morning about 8:00 AM, which is about 45 minutes early for her lately (but, I had not been able to get her to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, which she usually does.) She didn’t want to wait for Gabe to get on the bus at 8:45, she wanted to leave the house IMMEDIATAELY to go to school. And then she wanted a banana. But, not to eat, just to hold. Just to hold because she wanted to eat it in the car. Imagine what a four year does to a banana “just holding it” for 25 minutes.

It opened, just a tiny bit. And then, she was DONE with it. She wanted a NEW banana. NONE of this wretched, OPEN banana for her. She kicked. She screamed. She demanded a new, fresh, unscathed banana.

I screamed. I yelled. Unfortunate things were said by all parties.

I sent Gabe out the door to wait for the bus with his friends. I went upstairs to change my clothes. Lana lay, curled in a heap on the kitchen floor, crying “Daddy daddy daddy daddy” and “Banana banana banana.”

As I was coming down the stairs, she began to weep, “Somebody? Somebody please? Somebody please take me to school, somebody, PLEASE? SOMEBODY PLEEEEEEEEEAAASE??”

And that’s when I think my heart broke. She was crying for somebody, anybody, other than ME.

I picked her up off the floor. I cleaned the banana off her hands. I threw away the (now disgusting) remanant of banana that she was clutching.

She cried and finally leaned into my body. I got her a fresh banana for the car ride. (I know, I know, I don’t know if that was the right thing to do. I don’t.) I gave her some juice.

At school, she sat on my lap for about 5 minutes, snuffling into my blouse. She was clingy and didn’t want me to leave. She finally climbed into the arms of S~ (her teacher) and sadly waved “bye-bye” to me.

I don’t know what happened this morning, or what’s going on with her this week. It just feels all…broken.

I know we've hit rough patches before - patches that were rougher than this, no doubt. But, it's still not easy. Especially when I feel blind-sided by the whole thing.

I hope next week is better.

LM