I interrupt this review for a Photo Interlude

Floating around in the Family Pool

Gabe and Lana hard at work on Sand Masterpiece

Gabe and Lana running down the beach at sunset

Gabe on beach

I have no idea why these photos are of various sizes. I lost my mind a bit ago and spent 10 minutes screaming like a banshee at opposing counsel on a case. He was an a**, but, probably didn't deserve the entire 10 minute tirade about what a lying, cheating, lying, wretched, lying bastard his client is. This was not my most professional moment.

This is why I am a posting photos right now, since, evidently I am not fit company for man nor beast nor opposing counsel.

Here are some amusing notes from my planner on Saturday, while we were trying to get home. I was taking notes because I wanted to remember things to blog about - I just reread them (in my own unique shorthand - they made me a laugh at myself a tiny bit):

6:45 AM - Gabriel is awake. Freakishly sleepless child. Husband took Gabriel to beach for 'one last swim'.

8:30 AM - Gabe and Husband back. Report water is very cold for swimming this morning. Report that there are no bananas (again) at breakfast. This banana shortage is disconcerting, considering we are sitting smack in the middle of banana central.

9:09 AM - Bellman arrives 21 minutes early to take bags. Scramble to throw last few things in suitcases and get them zipped.

9:30 AM - last breakfast in Paradise. Mmmm....toasty bagel with real butter and guava jam. Mmmm...Jamaican coffee...Mmmm fresh pineapple....

10:00 AM - waiting in lobby for bus to take us to the airport

10:30 AM - waiting on enormous retired Japanese tour bus to take us to the airport

11:00 AM - why isn't this f**king bus moving already?

12:00 PM - one hour riding creaky enormous bus, I tell Husband I am writing a new prayer for the Book of Very Common Prayer* called, "Prayer to Avoid Vomiting on a Crowded Bus"

12:15 PM - Dear God, please do not let me vomit on this bus...very very sick...very very very car sick, would pay someone to shoot me and put me out of my misery

12:30 PM - Finally arrived at MBJ airport, willing to pay porter enormous sum of money if he will just find all our bags and drag them to the line for Northwest Airlines. (He does this for $7.00. He is a Saint.)

1:00 PM - have achieved boarding passes and a state of being that does not include sensation of imminent vomit, waiting online for security check

2:30 PM - flight delayed. paid $12 (US!!) for tiny teeny pizza. curse airport vendors everywhere, (may they be struck down with car sickness in a foreign country on a Japanese bus!!)

3:00 PM - buy another liter of rum. (Because, hey, we can take 4 liters back with us, so, why not max out that duty free allowance?)

3:15 PM - have existential crisis of fragrance whilst looking at duty free perfume. have been wearing same perfume since 1993. I don't buy a bottle of it and wonder if I am too predictable. Husband indicates I am insane. Children trying to drive us crazy on purpose. If they weren't here I would be buying them souvenirs right now, but, since they are here, and fighting, I want to kill them.

3:30 PM - board flight...in a thunderstorm....we are going to die

4:30 PM - dear God the turbulence

5:00 PM - more turbulence and I really don't want to die

6:00 PM - have I mentioned how very much I want this plane to land in one piece??? My head might explode from anxiety about the turbulence...

Obviously, the plane landed in one piece.

I must go do some legal work now. Will return with a continuation of my review of the resort shortly.

LM

* This is a reference to a book by Chuck Palahuik called "Survivor" which both Husband and I read on vacation, and not a reference to the Anglican Book of Common Prayer