It is that flower that you took the time to smell, It is the power that you know you got as well*
I have done some difficult things in my life.
Getting through the first (and second) (and third) years of law school with a sleepless baby at home, for example.
Passing the bar exam (with a sleepless toddler at home).
Leaving behind everything I knew and getting on a plane with $600 in my purse to go start a job in country where I didn't speak the language, or even READ the language.
Adopting a four-year-old from the other side of the planet who had already known two other mothers.
These have all been hard, difficult, challenging things.
And I feel like I did them pretty well.
So, I do not understand why it is so hard for me to make my body do the thing that I want it to do.
Which is, become smaller.
This body...is making me tired. And sad. And I feel defeated and unattractive and not sexy and not pretty. And while I hate that those things are important to me - they are.
(I strive for brutal honesty, and this is the brutally honest bottom line.)
And the thing is, I don't think that I have REALLY committed myself to do what is necessary to at least find out if I can be successful in this endeavor, and I cannot figure out why committing to do what is necessary in this particular thing is so very hard, when I have done much harder things?
It is clear that exercise alone is not enough for me to lose weight. (I exercised like a crazy person for the first 5 months of this year and I have gained weight.)
It is clear to me that doing Weight Watchers in the half-committed way that I have been doing it is not enough for me to lose weight.
I want to know, categorically, that there IS something I can do to lose weight. (Aside from, flying to Vietnam and having crippling anxiety for 3 weeks about whether or not an adoption was going to be approved or not, which is the last time this body lost any weight. (Although I did lose 10 pounds that way, I don't think that's something I want to do again.)
So, this week, I am committing, and I will be REPORTING on that commitment (which might make this blog incredibly boring for the next 7 days - sorry) to follow the WW program to a T. Religiously. All the water. All the veggies. All the fruit. Counting points precisely and sticking to the points allotment.
If the scale is stuck next Monday morning at exactly the place it was this morning (and has been stuck for 5 months now)...well, I'm not sure what steps I will take then.
But, I need to know that something can make that number move...
And I need ENCOURAGEMENT.
So, wish me luck.
And send me low-point delicious recipe ideas, if you have them.
*Nelly Furtado, Forca