Let's Talk About Sex (And My Head Exploding) (And Not in a Good Way)
I am totally appalled by the results of this survey http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/27706917/?GT1=43001.
I want to believe that perhaps the data is skewed by the sample that was selected. I want to know if the girls who were surveyed were randomly chosen by a legitimate research company (like the one I used to work for), or were they selected from the universe of girls who watch that particular show? ("Universe" in the social research sense, not in the Star Trek sense.) (As a side note, though, I have to say that I suspect that girls who WATCH Star Trek are probably not having as much sex as the girls who answered this survey.) (Sigh.)
Look, I have nothing against sex. (Quite the opposite in fact.) (And as divorce attorney, I tend to think that most people (adult people) should be having MORE sex. Not less. So, really, I have nothing, at all, against sex.)
Neither am I proponent of not having sex until marriage. (What if you married someone whose needs and tastes were entirely not compatible with your own? What would happen?) (Wait, I know what might happen because a very close relative of mine gave me WAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION about the collapse of her first marriage.) (And also last year I did a divorce for some very unhappy 19-year-olds.) (I'm not saying it happens all the time. I'm sure there are lots of people this works out for.)
(I am, however, quite a strict proponent of "if you are married, don't have sex with anyone you aren't married to".) (Just to clarify.) (Because, seriously, I have people crying in my office on a weekly basis. And MUCH OF THE TIME, that is why.)
One of the things I find most disturbing about this article is the girl who said that that she didn't want to insist on using condoms because then the boys (plural, multiple) wouldn't "want to be friends with her."
WHAT??? (Picture my head exploding. Right here. Pieces of my head. Exploded.)
Two questions: What, precisely, are we teaching our SONS about sex? And where the f**k ever did they get the idea that sex is something that FRIENDS have with each other? Sex is not something people do at casual get togethers or Bunko night*! Sex is serious. And it can kill you!
I'm not sure how to fix this problem. (And I think it's a huge problem if it's true that 14% (FOURTEEN PERCENT!!!) of girls are having sex AT SCHOOL. AT!!!! SCHOOL!!!) And what are these girls getting out of these in-school-trysts? Because I find it extremely difficult to believe that they are having sexually satisfying experiences (by which, yes, I mean, climactic experiences) IN THE BATHROOM BETWEEN FIRST AND SECOND PERIOD. (And seriously? If you aren't having a satisfying experience, why the heck are you having sex?) (Unless of course it is to get pregnant. ON PURPOSE. WHEN THEY ARE 15.) (See, there, my head just exploded again.)
But, I do think we sure as hell need to tell our children that:
A. sex is very powerful emotionally and is not something to be done casually
B. you should LOVE the person you are having sex with (THE. PERSON. NOT "the people".)
C. you don't have sex with your FRIENDS
D. sex is for adults
E. it is NOT okay for our sons to be having sex with multiple partners, or for attention, and it sure as hell isn't okay to be having sex without a condom EVER
I'm going to go lock both my children in the basement now.
*That would be SOME kind of Bunko night. And please don't invite me if that's the kind of Bunko night you are having.