Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Tell me Sister Morphine, When You Coming 'Round Again?*

I am sorry to be absent. J~'s illness touches so much of my life - at work, because his office is dark and empty, and yet there are cases that need attention. At home because he is family, and it's impossible not to grieve.

And grieving seems wrong, because he's not gone yet. But the hope - the hope that he will get better, will return, will beat this monstrous cancer - is gone.

I would like to tell you that I lost .2 lbs this week - which was a surprise, all things considered.

I would like to tell you that we had a lovely Lunar New Year celebration on Saturday, and that the food was delicious and everyone had a good time.

I would like to tell you that H&L are leaving to bring Ella home and I am thrilled for them. (I would also like to tell you, that while we watched the Super Bowl with H&L, Lana lamented that "this is the last time it will just be us and H~ & L~. This is the last time we will be having fun like this, just us four and them two. Everything will be different now."

And last night, when we met H&L at our favorite Mexican place for a goodbye dinner, Lana came home afterward and WAILED that her life was RUINED because Ella coming home meant that H&L wouldn't want to play Uno with her anymore. Lana really has a special place in her heart for H&L, and she is struggling with the idea that they will be gone for two weeks, and when they go home, Ella will be with them. I have tried to tell her that adding Ella to our dynamic will make things better, not worse. I think only time will prove this to my girl!)

I would like to tell you how much I am loving a new show I have been watching while working out - Sons of Anarchy. So good. I mean, yes, it's disturbing on all kinds of levels, but it's so removed from my own life and experience that's it's escapism on a strange level.

Oh, and lastly, I would like to tell you that I can't stop listening to this song, Lady Antebellum's Need You Now, and that I wonder if the fact that I am listening to country music compulsively says something about my state of mind...


*Rolling Stones, Sister Morphine


Blogger mam said...

I will check out Sons of Anarchy, thanks. Other than that...hugs.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010 3:09:00 PM  
Blogger Ella At Last said...

I so needed this one last blog post from you before leaving the country. We have email. Skype. You and I can chat about J that way, if Lana lets us. Larry thinks the country music is perfect medicine.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010 4:00:00 PM  
Blogger j'lynn said...

OMG...I love Sons of Anarchy. Jax is the hottest thing ever. I could watch footage of him walking for hours. That always puts a smile on my face!! :)

As for everything else you are going through...I'm so sorry. I would like to say things will be better, but that doesn't mean much right now. Just know that I'm thinking of you. Even though we don't "know" one another, I pray for you and your family. Hugs my friend...

Wednesday, February 17, 2010 12:13:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's weird isn't it, the way life keeps going on when it feels like everything should stand still while you deal with something big and emotional and life-changing. That always bothered me a little, that life does that.

I think Lana will learn something very important about adoption and love and how your heart can grow when someone joins the family through your friends' adoption. But it probably will be hard for her, at first.

Thinking of you.

Thursday, February 18, 2010 10:05:00 AM  
Blogger familyforpeace said...

How is he?

Friday, February 19, 2010 6:58:00 PM  

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