I'm a winter flower underground always thirsty for summer rain*

I'm not dead.

I'm not entirely what I have been...but I'm not dead.

Sad? Maybe.

Overwhelmed? Yes.

Crying in the bathtub with a glass of wine? I plead the fifth.

Thirty-five days ago we all came to the realization that J~ was fighting a losing fight. On and off for much of the past month, I prepared myself for the very real possibility that J~ was not going to make it, that he had only days left.

Having prepared ourselves for him to be transferred to hospice, we were a bit surprised to find him rallying.

He is in rehab, now. (Cue the Amy Winehouse song. It's okay, I have laughed about this.)

Is it wrong that it's hysterical to me that they call it "rehab" when you have to check yourself into Betty Ford, but also called "rehab" when you have a couple feet of your small intestine removed by surgeons and you have to get strong enough to walk again?

I will take my humor where I find it, thanks. I need to laugh.

He will go down fighting like hell, I tell you. I've never seen anyone with a greater will to live. He fights. I struggle with his absence. His office is dark. There is a falcon who hangs out by his window. I swear that bird is looking for him.

This news is not all sunshine and roses. He does not have a lot of time left. But he is sure as hell going to fight for every day he can.

****

I might as well get all the sadness out in one post. My cousin Kelsey? Still missing. The charges against the people who are believed to have hurt her have been dropped. Why, you ask? Because Kelsey isn't here to testify against them. And without Kelsey's testimony, or God forbid, Kelsey's body? There is no case. There is a very real possibility that two people who did some really wretched things to Kelsey will walk away.

Show of hands - am I the only one who thinks it is pretty strongly evident that the people who HURT HER IN THE FIRST PLACE, are probably the ones responsible for making her disappear??? Call me crazy, but I don't think you have to be a rocket scientist to see that. (Of course, yes, I know. EVIDENCE. We need evidence and we don't have any. Apparently not all criminals are stupid. I only wish that these two in particular were dumber than they appear to be.)

Where is the justice in this?

****

Two rays of sunshine:

Our friends H&L returned from China with their beautiful Ella. Go and check out their blog and their beautiful baby girl!

I am back on my Weight Watchers plan and I lost 1.6 lbs this week!!! This brings me to a grand total of 6.6 lbs lost. (I had several weeks where I lost .2 lbs, and then one week where I gained 1.2 lbs, but as of today, I am down a total of 6.6 lbs from the beginning of January.)

* Pink, I'm Not Dead